37 - in which I have my fortune told

The Lakans locked themselves in Kantila, which is walled, and we settled in for a siege. It struck me that the gate should be opened from within at midnight, and of course I’d learned how to do that sort of thing at the School of No Name. I went to Emao-e, suggested it, and got the predictable answer.

“No, I have not gone out of my mind,” I said. “General First, I will make you a bet. If I can sneak into your tent tonight no matter how much you stiffen your guard, you have to agree to write my aunt for permission; if I can’t, I won’t say another word.” Driving spring rainstorms are a boon; they obscure sight and sound but not weapon-sense. “Fourth Chevenga reporting for duty, General First!” I barked from beside her bed, making her leap about a foot out of it. Muttering sleepily, she reached for her pen.

Requesting leave from my various commanders (I alone was blessed with more than one), I took a fast horse to Tenningao to visit Tyeraha, whom I hadn’t seen since I’d left Vae Arahi, thinking Emao-e’s letter alone would not convince her, rightly. “No, aunt, I have not gone mad, any more than I did when I thought of assassinating Inkrajen. All-Spirit, why was I cursed with this gift that no one else understands the effectiveness of?”

To be fair, it was a harder choice for her than for me, as it is harder to watch a loved one climb a cliff than to do it yourself; you cannot feel another’s strength of grip and steadiness of balance as you can feel your own. As well, if I got killed on this escapade, she would be blamed for having permitted it, and remembered for it, probably longer than for all the good she had done as semanakraseye. She paced back and forth in her borrowed office, which was in the town hall of Tenningao, for a while. “I know how we can decide this,” she said. “It’s for this sort of thing I brought along Jinai Oru.”

I remember the silvery tongue of fear shooting up my spine. What might an augur of such skill feel, reading for me? There was no good reason I could give my aunt for refusing. A springing step came in the corridor. Somehow I had imagined a ghost-slender man, grave of face, piercing of eye and wearing a long black robe; Jinai had a bear’s build, wide with short thick limbs, and a cheery round face, now flushed with exertion, and wore nothing but a loincloth and a towel, having been doing meditation-dancing in the courtyard. He looked for all the world like one who would talk boisterously at drinking parties. My aunt spoke to him as if he were slow.

He pulled me, and my aunt followed, into a room with its window shuttered and curtained, a candle and a sitting mat on the floor the only furnishings, flung the towel into a corner and knelt on the mat. “A little time,” he said, “to shut up the words in my head.” Soon he got up, gazing at the blank wall, which was of smooth plain stucco, and signed me to stand before him. I did, facing him.

“No, no,” he said, and turned me around by my shoulders brusquely. “What’s behind you, anyone can know, just by remembering. It’s what’s ahead of you that’s interesting.” He pressed close, his chest warm on my back, set his chin on my shoulder, and laid his large hands on my arm and my brow. To my surprise, they had turned cool. I told myself he probably always felt some nervousness in his subjects.

“Is it worth the risk?” he said, half to himself. “If she lets him do all the crazy shit he says he can, will he learn to be a great semanakraseye, or just do himself in?” For a while he was silent, every now and then shifting me slightly, as if setting a mirror for the best angle. I wondered whether I should feel a tingle from his hands or some such thing, then dismissed that as silly, reminding myself I knew something of augury. In time I found myself straining my own eyes on the candle-yellowed wall.

“Well,” he said. “It’s balance; if he’s careful enough he’ll live, if he isn’t, he won’t.” At the same I thought it myself, he said, “Oh come on, anyone could figure that, with figuring. Where’s what they don’t know?” He looked hard again, muttering. “Maybe if I shut up…” My aunt spoke, and in her tone I heard experience in guiding him. “Jinai, should I let him open the gate of Kantila?”

“Yes,” he said, without hesitation. My skin prickled, as if a ghost were in the room. It was the ease of his certainty, like a child’s in a truth he is not yet old enough to see might be wrong. I knew that feeling. “But not by himself, because he’s not big enough. And not if he gets too confident from me telling him it… it’s for sure but if he thinks it’s for sure, that’s foreknowledge interfering, and then for sure he’s dead.” My aunt looked pointedly at me. I said, “I understand.”

“What of the other deeds he’ll want to try, Jinai?” she asked him. He set himself again, his hands pressing my skin as if to get a closer feel. “I see things. But I don’t know whether they’re about this question. No, they must be, because you asked, and I’m seeing them. What they are I can’t explain but some are bad and some are good.”

“Bad in what way?” my aunt said.

“Bad…”he answered, “in way of trouble. I feel the feel of fear, of helplessness. But in the end, better good.” A shiver ran through me, almost more from a sudden sense of the vast shape of fate, a feeling like looking over the edge of a cliff to see a distance one never has before, than from fear.

“The end good,” my aunt asked, “is greater than the initial bad? And therefore worth it?”

“Yes,” he answered, a grin like a child’s pressing his cheek against mine. “So I advise, let him do this crazy kyash. Anything else, semanakraseye?” He gave my shoulder a proprietary pat.

“Why don’t you tell his fortune in general? You two will be working together in three and a half years. I’ll leave you to it.”

I felt sweat break out everywhere on my skin, and tried to stop it with a long, deep, secret breath. Jinai’s hands were still on me; I must force calm without setting my teeth, without tensing; I took up an inner chant. Tyeraha left, which was like a rockfall’s worth of weight coming off my shoulders, but I was still not alone.

Jinai’s hands leapt off me as if I were red-hot iron. “Do you want this?” he said, breathless.

“I’m not afraid,” I said.

“Yes, you are,” he said, with such matter-of-fact honesty that I didn’t even think to be insulted, only felt my own foolishness and dishonesty for denying it. “The thing, the secret you’ve got, do you know about it?”

“Yes,” I said, swallowing. “Jinai, tell me nothing we speak of will go beyond this door.”

“I see so many secrets, I forget them all. I’m a scatterbrain.” He gripped his crystal. “I swear, I’ll remember nothing, don’t worry. Shall I tell your fortune? You aren’t like anyone else. I didn’t say that while the semanakraseye was here because I thought it was only your business. These things, they are not even my business, how can I tell? The shape, the look, is all very… not clear—I can’t see any better than with anyone else… it’s like leaves just fallen into a pool in the fall, the lines, the edges, sharp, you know. That doesn’t say it all, I’m sorry if I’m hard to understand; All-Spirit didn’t give me a gift with words.

“I see a thousand things. Amazing things. But they’re all too fast to say what they mean. If I told you, you’d ask what they meant and I wouldn’t be able to tell you, and they’d just torment you. Don’t interrupt me, and I’ll just say what I can stick together, all right?” I signed chalk.

“Fourth Chevenga Shae-Arano-e, anaraseye na semanakraseyesin d’Yeola-e. Fourth Chevenga Shae-Arano-e, semanakraseye d’Yeola-e… That’s planned. The die has six faces, but can only land with one up. The path has a thousand forks but Fourth Chevenga Shae-Arano-e can only walk one. All-Spirit, God-In-Myself, show me that face, point me that fork… I see: Lakans. Oh, come on, Jinai, how obvious can you get? Plans and expectations. The ground beneath the ground, a little further down than the one we’re standing on; that’s because I’m seeing it from your full-grown height. I see a dark-skinned woman. Not Lakan: short hair. Don’t know who she is. I said just patterns, didn’t I? Here’s one: many lovers. I’ve seen seven, just now. A child with bright blond hair, like Tennunga’s, and eyes the spitting image of yours. Terrible trouble you will have, I can’t see what, but you… now you have come through it. You’ll get through it, and things get better, remember that. I see a war-map, your hands spreading it. You must be semanakraseye, yes, there’s the ring. Oh-oh, another fight, better keep up your training… So many weird things. What does a green ribbon around your wrist mean? Or a huge orange jewel? I’m seeing your dreams: the ground wheeling far below as if you were a bird flying, or Shininao with his hand down your throat—”

I couldn’t help interrupting. “I’ve had that dream!”

“Yes,” he said with utter authority, “and you will have it again. There’s a strong one, a death-duel against a man with black skin and blue hair, with a yelling crowd all around you, whose edge goes up to the sky. A whole city of straight-haired blond people. Must be a dream; let me tell you the things that make sense. Lots of war things. But peace too. I’m starting to lose them, I’m getting tired. A lot of wounds… a Haian will take care of you. He’s close to you. It’s going… patterns. You’ll be very famous… obvious, obvious, Jinai, everyone says that… I’ve had it, I think… yes, I can’t see more, much as I want to. Your life will be very crowded, you’ll do and get done all sorts of things, it’s a wonder to see, and I’ve strained myself looking at it.” He sat down with a thump.

I ran out into my aunt’s office, begged paper and pen from her, ran back and scrawled down everything that Jinai and I could remember. I remembered much more than he. He had spoken true of himself: he had a mind like rapids, through which much flowed, not like a vessel which retains.

We were finished, but there was something I had to ask him; I just wanted to hear his answer. “Jinai… have you ever looked into your own future?”

“Oh, no,” he answered with an awkward smile. “Never.”

“Why not?”

The smile grew, becoming more awkward, and he picked and pinched at one of his fingers. Finally he said, “Because I’d see it.” No doubt whatsoever, he was a true augur.