181 - You rule here

“Honey-Giving One suck,” a Brahvnikian sailor spat behind me. His sword was unbloodied. “It’s over already? You Yeolis hogged all the fun!”

“Three ships,” Krero was giggling. “Three ships of the invincible Arkan Navy, and we trashed them, ha ha ha ha ha!”

“My brilliant son!” Esora-e threw his arms around me. “When you get home, those straw-hairs are so doomed!”

“Haians, here!” I yelled in Enchian. At least there’d be no shortage of them. The worst wound we had was a nasty gash on Salao’s thigh, but the Arkans were in great need. “Tell your solas to stack their armour and weapons here,” I commanded the centurion, “and all get on board that ship.” I pointed to the sword-side-most one. The flagship would have the orders and the pigeons and anyone else official on it. “Your rowers are all daifikas?” He nodded his head stiffly. “Evechera, there’s a privateer frigate here, find its captain and—”

“Right here, semanakraseye.” She stood beaming. Of course they’d been game for it; it had taken six people to hold the full width of each pier, so they’d slipped into the spaces in the second rank of the elite.

“You’ve got two more ships, once I’m done with that one, nicely rigged for disguise as Arkan,” I said. “The rowers are slaves; any who aren’t Arkan, set free and keep on for pay if they want; any who are Arkan are your prisoners to the end of the war; after that, set them free. The free crew go with the solas.” Slow with dejection, the Arkans began to move, unslinging swords, unbuckling breastplates. Every single one who was down had his own Haian, leaning over him.

I knew what I felt, more than anything else: freed, and purified. No Mezem crowd was cheering. I did not have to bow my head to receive a chain made of Arkan gold. I had taken no one’s life for worse than no reason. I had fought by my choice, when it was called for, not on the chime of noon. I had fought alongside those I love.

Now we had a moment, they closed in on me, hugging, kissing, slapping my back. “Wait till news of this gets home!” —“If you’re crazy, more generals at home should go crazy.” —“Whatever you said to them, it was a kick in the teeth.” —“My child,” said my mother. “See?” They hoisted me onto their shoulders, and the sailors began soaking me with streams of wine.

“I don’t know why they are all so somber,” Krero said, looking all around. “They should be jumping up and down with us.” In the single-mindedness of commanding, I had not noticed. On roofs of buildings, hillocks, promontories all around, stood thousands upon thousands upon thousands of Haians, still as trees and watching us in such complete silence that none must be whispering, even the children.

It has always been the Haian belief that their passive way is too fragile to last forever. One day, inevitably, mainlanders will come to destroy it, they believe; but their plan is to resist the way of war to the end, by not resisting. They will only gather around the harbour, all of them who are close enough, to bear witness. That includes the Speaking Elder. She was standing not twenty paces away from me, in full formal robes with the green stripe and the national Haian poppy on a golden chain, under a green canopy held by four apprentices. Her face was like ancient carven wood.

All-Spirit… Those thousands of flat black eyes, hers included, had seen it all. I felt shrunk down from the victorious commander to the mad savage who has murdered on temple land. I’d wiped and sheathed Chirel, but still wore it, as well as a fair amount of splashed blood. I made them let me down. “Speaking Elder…” Of course, of course, my tongue had to fail me now. It locked absolutely solid.

“Cheng...?” Krero; I turned to him. “We should be going over the flagship in case that Mahid’s still alive and destroying papers we might want to look at.” All-Spirit… my work commanding wasn’t even done. “Cheng…” He looked closer into my eyes, and said, “I’ll look after it, if you give me permission.” I signed chalk.

“Cheng.” Sachara knew me well. “Kurkas chose this. You just did what you had to, both for us and for Haiu Menshir.” I just signed chalk, and turned to Dinerer again. She was gone; they were grimly rolling up the canopy.

To her office? I remembered vaguely where it was. I didn’t have to push through the crowd; they shrank back from me as if from a monster, adults throwing their hands over the eyes of children, or even their own. Then I realized I still had Chirel and a shortsword, so I had to run back to hand them off to my people, who had gone back to dancing and singing the victory song, and double back again.

Past the gate, the streets near the Hall of Elders were deserted. I was still dripping blood, I realized, as I stood at the threshold with its spotless white woolen carpet. I found a fountain and washed, though even that seemed a desecration, and took off my sandals to go in.

In the austere bright open rooms, the shell wind-chimes that you hear everywhere on Haiu Menshir still rang, faint and fragile. I remembered which door led to her office; it stood open. I scratched with just one nail, heart pounding. “Speaking Elder… it’s… Chevenga.”

“I was expecting you.” I went in. She was sitting at her desk, her eyes impassive. It was all cleared off, but for one thing: the gold-chained poppy, lying before her crossed hands. She lifted it delicately in her fingers, and held it out to me. “You have conquered us. This is yours.”

I clenched my eyes shut and grabbed my hair without willing it. I wanted to melt and ooze through the cracks in the floor. “I didn’t…” The words scraped out, the best I could do. “Fight… for that… it was to keep you free… and myself, too, I admit… Speaking Elder, for my people, for myself… what was I to do? We had no ship to outrun them, and if we had…” I didn’t know what the Arkans have done, I realized, as I had not read the orders yet. “Their commander… had the sword and the chain… they were going to claim Haiu Menshir.”

I couldn’t look her in the face, so I didn’t see her move to put the poppy over my head, until it was too late. “You take it upon yourself to decide whether the way of peace or of war will be followed on Haiu Menshir,” she said. “So you rule here. That is yours. I hope, Chivinga, that you can somehow find it in you to rule wisely.”

I could not speak, nor even weep. I stood half-curled, trembling, breaths hissing between my teeth. I tried to take a deep one. There has to be an answer to this. I touched the lacquered petals of the poppy, under my chin. Nothing in the world could be more wrong and sick and mad than this, against armour that still had traces of blood. Somewhere in me I must still know how; somewhere is the God-in-me, with the path unconceived.

It came to me without a flash, but still came to me. “You say I may do… with this… what I wish?”

“Yes.”

I took it off. “Then come with me.” She followed, gaze lowered, like a prisoner.

The crowd around the harbour had barely moved, except for those near the fight, who were helping with Arkan wounded, or lifting corpses out of the sea. Many raised a grief-chant, rising and falling like wind through a crack; others wept silently; still others talked, unsure of what would happen now. I saw the other elders, green-striped, in a circle, as if to convene, apparently waiting for her. As people saw the poppy in my hand, not around her neck, they fell dead silent again, even the triumphant sailors.

I had no idea what I would say before I did. In front of all Haiuroru, that had just seen me do what I had, I could not justify, or be grand, or make light, or even be sympathetic. I also feared every moment my tongue would lock up. “People of Haiu Menshir,” I said, in Enchian, “your Speaking Elder gave this to me, since to her mind I am Haiu Menshir’s conqueror. She says it is mine to do with what I will, and hopes I can find it in myself to do something wise, so I will do what I think is best. I didn’t fight to conquer, I want no hand in choosing anything for Haiu Menshir, and would prefer it remain as it is forever. I am nothing but a patient of the House of Integrity”—I took off my wristlet to show the green ribbon—“who came here for healing I could only get here. So… this is what I choose to do.” I went to my knees before her, and held the poppy out to her with two hands and my head bowed.

Please, for the love of All-Spirit, take it… please… Time stretched to an eternity, before I felt it lifted out of my hands. Blinking away tears, I saw her put it on, and raise her hands for silence. As she began speaking, I crept away to the Yeolis. Alchaen was there. I did not go to him.

Of course I couldn’t understand what she said, but he told me the gist of it afterwards. Haiu Menshir’s end had not come after all, but it must heal itself of the wound sustained here. She did not mention my name, or what they might do about what we had done; of course she had to discuss it with the other Elders first. All the healers in Yeola-e for me, I thought. Is it a fair exchange?

“She should look happier,” Krero hissed under his breath. “And she should call you back, and kiss your hands. They all should, curse them.” I hissed him quiet.

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